005 Inner Healing

Before we begin the prayer for inner healing, I would like to make a few introductory remarks. Right from the beginning of today until now, the Holy Spirit has been leading us to come to God in repentance. In a way we had not plan this but it came forth by the moment of the Holy Spirit because today happen to be the feast of Saint Matthew, because today the whole movement  seem to be geared towards repentance.   And as we have said this is the foundation of Christian life that if there is evil in the world it is primarily due to my fault, I have been responsible for the evil in the world. As the Psalmist says “it is I who have done wrong, it is I who have sinned before God and before man.” And that is because has given to us a tremendous gift, a gift of free will. And everyone has the ability to say “no” even to God. And God can do nothing about it. What bible calls the anger of God means not that God is angry with us, but God allows the consequences of man sin to have their effect. Therefore as we look at the tremendous suffering and evil in the world today, everyone has to say “ I am the cause of it”. Not because I have done something wrong positively, but I have allowed these things to happen and as the bible says “the Lord will judge us in the last day”. Not so much by our sins of commission, that we have done something wrong, but our sins of omission, that we have done nothing to stop the evil in the world. That we have only thought about ourselves and we have closed our eyes to the evil around us.  And if there are dictators and bad people who have come to rule our countries it is both because we have voted for the wrong people, but perhaps because we have not voted at all. And the wrong people have come forward. And therefore when we say we have sinned it means not only I have done wrong but I have not done anything to stop the evil. And therefore every human being is called to repent. And repentance does not mean only turning away from the world is more important turning toward Jesus.

But tonight we want to share with you that there is a second reason why there is so much evil in the world. There is another reason why I in spite of my desire to do good, find myself doing wrong things.  It is not because of my bad will, but because of two reasons, my inheritance, my heritage, which that have happened in my family which now influence me today. And secondly, things which are happening now among my family, among my friends, which are affecting me wrongly. And it is a charismatic renewal that has made the church aware of this second reason why we do wrong things. Just as it is wrong to blame people, to blame God, to blame even the devil for my problems. It is equally wrong of people to blame me for my problems. Because I really, sincerely want to do good, to live a good life. But I find like a power that is driving me to do wrong things. In the month of January I was giving, I was speaking at the National Conference in Australia. And there were two drugs addicts that came to me for counseling. A young man and a young woman who were friends, they were planning to get married. And both were drug addicts. Both had just come out of prison. And they came to me and they held my hand and they said “ Father, we want to get rid of our drug addiction, please help us. We want to get married. We want to start a beautiful family. We don´t like the life we are leading. Please help us to start a new life.”  And as I looked at them I said to myself “How many people are blaming them for their problems.”  And they were two beautiful young people that went the wrong way but want to do the right thing. And I felt that there was influence, maybe, of their ancestry, influence of their family and friends environment that was bringing them to this wrong life. Inner healing is a gift of the Holy Spirit to the church, which makes aware that the Lord wants to heal us from the causes, emotional causes of our problems. And therefore as now I lead you to a prayer, specially those who have never had such an experience, will know how much of the wrong things in our lives are due to factors beyond our control. To give one last example, we know now the phenomenon of the single parent is a worldwide phenomenon.  In England itself, there are 3 million children that only have their mothers, their fathers are not there.  As the children are growing up what do you expect them to be? As these children are growing up turn out to be?

Obviously they will go the wrong way. I was giving a program in South Africa recently. And a priest came to me for counseling and he was telling me how his father had children from 5, 6 different women. And his mother had children from 5 or 6 different men. Can you imagine the confusion in this priest who was then a little boy? I was giving an inner healing retreat in Scotland last year. It was a retreat to the leaders of the charismatic renewal of Scotland. There were 300 of them doing that retreat.  And as they came one by one for counseling and they were showing me all their problems they have written down in detail. As I read their problems I could not believe that people could have had so much problems in their lives. I didn´t even know what to tell them. It was perhaps the saddest week in my whole life. As I hold them speaking of their problems and I said “But how could you have lived your lives with all these terrible things?” Every sentence was a problem. Finally there was a woman who came and told me about her daughter who was in the mental hospital. And I told her after the retreat I will visit that mental hospital. This was in Ireland. And I´ll visit the hospital in Belfast and I will talk to your daughter, because according to what the mother told me I felt that young lady should not be in a mental hospital. But the day after the retreat, this lady came with her whole family to see me in the town were I was giving the retreat.  And she brought her daughter who was in the mental hospital, 18 years old. And I spoke to her and then I told her “But I don´t see anything wrong in you. You should not be in such a hospital.”  Anyway, I prayed over her. And I said “I feel you should leave that hospital.” But before leaving, this is what she told me “Father, but I am going back to that hospital.”  And I said “why?”  “Because in that mental hospital I have peace. In my family I have no peace.” And she returned to the mental hospital. So now let us pray. 

Put yourself in the presence of the Lord Jesus. And just listen to the Lord telling each one of us “Come to me. Come to me. All of you who are burdened. All of you who are heavy laden. All of you who are confused in your minds. All of you who are restless in your hearts. All of you who are broken hearted.”  And the Lord says  “I will give you rest. I will heal you. I will deliver you.”  Lord Jesus Christ, we thank you for opening our eyes to this beautiful experience of inner healing.  Thank you Lord for telling us we don´t have to blame only ourselves for our problems. Thank you for telling us we don´t have to put an unnecessary burden of guilt on our conscience. Thank you Lord for telling us there are many things in our lives for which I am not personally responsible. I don´t have to condemn myself. I don´t have to wish I was not born.  I don´t have to wish that I could die. And Lord you reveled to us that there are many things in my life for which I am not really responsible. The things that happened to me because of the family in which I was conceived and in which I was born. The many things that happened to me because of the family in which I grew up as a child and as a youth. The many things that have happened to me because of the neighborhood, because the area where I grew up. The many things that have happened to me because of the school which I attended. Many things  happened to me because of the type of job I had. Many things that have happened to me because of the experience I had of marriage and our family life. And Lord Jesus, I want to tell you right at the start of this prayer that I don´t want to blame anyone. That I don´t want to blame anyone in my family or my environment for my problems. I don´t want to blame myself either. I don’t want to blame You, God, for my problems. Only I know these things have happened. And help me Lord Jesus to look upon all these events in my life. However painful, however hurtful, these experiences mere have been. To look upon them even with thanksgiving and with praise. Because Lord I believe you are in full control of my whole life. You are in the control of the family and the neighborhood in which I am presently. And nothing has happened to me or will happen to me without your knowledge. That everything that has happened to me is only because you love me. That everything that has happened to me is because you know you have the power to change every burden into a beautiful blessing. And Lord as we begin this prayer give me a forgiving heart, give me praising lips, help me to forgive every person in my life that I hold responsible for my pain, for my wounds, for my hurts. Help me to praise you Lord for every event in my life however painful and hurting it may have been. Lord let me realize in my heart that these are the two great instruments of my inner healing. Praise to your name and forgiveness towards people.

And as we now prepare to make this prayer, the choir will lead us to a soft, gentle hymn of healing. And as we sing this hymn let us look upon Jesus as our healer, as our mighty deliverer, as our life giver. Yes Lord Jesus, we invite you to walk back our whole past life and to heal us right from the moment of our conception. Because to you our past is as present as our future. For you there is no time, only eternity. And therefore Lord, with this confidence we invite you bring us a deep inner healing from the moment when life began for each one of us. Lord heal me at the moment of my conception of anything only you know needs healing and deliverance at that moment. Perhaps lord, we will not conceived according to planned and rail human married love. Maybe we were conceived under the influence of alcohol and violence or maybe outside marriage or the result of rape. And therefore this moment of my life, which was the start of my life was spoiled because of the wrong cooperation of my parents. Maybe my parents weren´t having a child for a long time and in ignorance they went to the doctor to get help for saving themselves for my conception.  Lord Jesus I don´t want to blame my parents for anything that happened that moment. But today I want to ask you to heal me in my conception thru the mystery of your conception in the womb of Mary. And Mar, I ask you to heal me at the moment of my conception to mystery of your immaculate conception itself. And heavenly Father, my Father, I want to thank and praise you tonight for breathing into me your own breath, to your own life your own love. And making me to be like yourself. Creating me at your very image and likeness. Thank you heavenly Father for this tremendous gift of life itself and Jesus help me appreciate this tremendous gift of life. That you made me a living being. Thank you Jesus. 

Lord Jesus I also ask you to heal me during the months in my mother´s womb. Ask you Jesus to heal me specially if my mother was contemplating aborting me. Heal me Lord if anything may have come to me through my mother, the fears that may have come to me through my mother, because may have felt very rejected, very lonely.  She may have had problems with her in-laws. Maybe during this time my father was too busy with his work, had no time to speak or to love my mother. Maybe my mother may have had a great shock or a great fright. Maybe during this time my mother may have been weeping or crying very often. And Lord, I know things affecting the mother could have affected the unborn child that was me in that womb. Lord I also ask you to deliver me from any satanic influence. Either because my mother may have gone to a witch doctor for help. Or the enemy of my family may have had a spell, a curse put upon the unborn child. Lord even as you heal the unborn John the Baptist in his mother´s womb, heal me too in my mother´s womb. And just as it happened to John the Baptist, fill me, the unborn child in her womb, with the powerful anointing of the Holy Spirit. As I thank you Lord Jesus for the gift of the family in which I was born. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. 

Lord now I ask you to heal me at the end of those 9 months of pregnancy, at that beautiful, precious moment of my birth. Yes Lord Jesus, in your plan my birth was meant to be an event of joy to the whole world. But perhaps Lord many things may have happened then which still affect me probably. I may have been born prematurely. Or at a difficult labor. Or a forceps baby, or a blue baby. Or with the umbilical cord around my neck, perhaps my parents didn´t really want me or expect me. Specially my parents, my father may have wanted a baby boy and I was born a baby girl. Perhaps I as born during the time of the war. Or in a time of great family disunity. Lord Jesus, I may have been born with some congenital defect to my brain or to my body. And Lord, I ask you tonight to heal me retrospectively at the moment of my birth. And I want to thank you for the gift of myself, just the way you have made me. Even with my so called defects. And Lord, I want to thank and praise you that through your own birth, through your own nativity you are healing me right now. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. And as we bring all our hidden life from our conception to our birth to Jesus for a healing the choir will lead us into another hymn of healing. 

Yes Lord Jesus we ask you to heal us in the second period of everyone´s life, the years of us growing up. Lord we have seen how often the greatest hurts we experience have their origin either in the 9 months in our mother’s womb or in the 13, 14, 15 years of our growing up. And Lord Jesus you were once a fetus in the womb of Mary, a little baby in the womb of Mary, you were once a baby in the breast of Mary. You were once a little child in the carpenter´s shop of your foster baby. You were once a boy of 12 years old in the temple. And Lord we pray that to the mystery of your holy infancy and holy childhood you will heal every person here and the years of his infancy and childhood and boyhood and girlhood. Lord Jesus I want to bring to you the most important alias of my infancy or childhood that needs your healing and deliverance. And to begin with Lord, with my relationship with my mother. That most important relationship in every human being life´s. Perhaps Lord that never new a mother´s love because she died when we were small, perhaps even in child birth. And so there was a time in our life that we needed so much, the warm caresses of our mother and she wasn´t there. Or perhaps she was there but we have been sent to some grandparent or some aunt to be looked after. And even now we feel angry that we could not live our infancy in our own home. Perhaps there were pain that happened to that relationship which have hurt me very much.  And therefore Lord Jesus, I find it difficult to get over the painful relationship I may have had with my own mother. Perhaps Lord, she might even have left the family for whatever reason, thus for another man. Perhaps my father may have married again and I had the burden of being with a step mother who was not good and have been cruel. Lord we know how difficult it is to forgive our mothers for any type of wrong things done. But perhaps Lord, she herself had been hurt very much in her childhood by other people. And today I not only want to forgive her but to pray for her healing too. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

And Lord I want to pray also for the healing of my relationship with my father. Specially Lord if my father may have died when I was small or even before I was born. And as I looked at my friends who had their daddies with them was so painful to know that I never had a daddy. Lord Jesus, we know that every girl wants and needs a father. Every boy needs and wants a mother.  And you made us so that we can have both parents to bring us up together. Perhaps Lord, my father may have been there, but he was absent at work or at the war. Perhaps I may have seen him be killed with my own eyes in the troubles of whatever war was it in the past. Perhaps he was there but he may have deserted the family for another woman for whatever reason. And I had to go through the same humiliation and the pain of being in a family without a daddy. Perhaps Lord I was afraid of my father because he was so strict and abuse in his words. And that fear is still in my heart. Perhaps I was ashamed of my father because he was poor, he was jobless, he was irresponsible. Perhaps I hated him because he was an alcoholic, he was violent, he was a terror to the family. Perhaps Lord I may have had a stepfather who was anything but a father to me. Help me Lord Jesus tonight to forgive my father. To pray for his healing, to love him, to bless him and give me love Jesus an experience of a father´s love. Give me Lord an experience of a mother´s love. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. 

And Lord now I finally pray for the healing of all the other relationships of my childhood. My relationship with my own brothers and sisters. Specially Lord if I felt my parents loved that brother or that sister more than they loved me. And because of that I still feel very inferior. I feel I was not good enough for them. Heal me Lord if one of my brothers or sisters was more clever than me, more beautiful than me, more fairer than myself. Heal me Lord Jesus if during this time I went through a long, painful illness. And I could not express the pain inside me to my parents. Heal me Lord if I had a great shock, a great fright in my childhood. If I witnessed the death of a loved one. Heal me Lord specially if there were things in my childhood that affected my sexuality.  Perhaps I was sexually abused by a stranger or a relative. Perhaps Lord, I went into this abuse in a boarding school and because of that I am now having various types of homosexual feelings. And Lord I know that I was not created that way, that my present feeling is a result of those unhappy experiences of my childhood. Heal me Lord specially, heal specially those women here who were sexually misused even by a person in their authority. By an uncle, by a doctor, by a priest. Above all by one´s own father or by one´s own stepfather, ruining that person´s life. Not enabling that person to now have a happy married life. Lord Jesus I pray that through your hole manhood you will heal every man here in their sexuality. Mary I pray that you heal every woman here in her femininity, in her womanhood. And Saint Joseph I pray, that you heal every man here in their manhood, in their manly sexuality. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus, 

And finally Lord we want to pray for the years of our schooling, up to our puberty. Heal me Lord if during this time I suffered the fact that I had no friends. When I saw my classmates having so many beautiful friends, but I was always lonely, I could not make friends with people. And with that came a sadness into my life. Heal me Lord if I encountered difficulties in my scholastic years. When I found it difficult to understand my lessons, difficult to study, difficult to remember the things I learned. And I experience a tremendous sense of failure. Heal me Lord if during this time there were things that have happened in my sexual life that even now make me feel very guilty. Perhaps Lord it was from this time in my life when I began to be very timid, very shy, afraid to do anything, for fear of failure, afraid of criticism, afraid of relating to people, towards every adult in my life. I began to be rebellious against all authority. I feel like running away from mu home and my family and I took refuge in the wrong friends who lead me into wrong habits. Heal me Lord if during the time of my youth I made friends with the wrong people who lead me the wrong way, who promised love, promised me support and now I realized they wanted just to use me. And my whole life is now without confidence, without hope. Lord Jesus but I believe in your promises in the scriptures, when you tell me not to look back at my past. Not to look back at the things that I had happened a long time ago, but to look ahead at what you are going to do in each one´s life right now. I want to thank you for the hundreds of thousands of people whom we have made new creatures through the experience of inner healing. And Lord Jesus I ask you to put down the Holy Spirit upon every person in this place and every person looking at the TV program.  And Lord in your name I invite every person to bring to you just one most important hurt in their life. Help them to know what has been the most painful experience of their whole life. Help them Lord to bring to you that word, that event, that experience which have hurt them most in their life. And Lord Jesus ,as you now bring them this healing I know that your promise is coming through right now. And the Lord is telling each one of you tonight “I will take from you that heart of stone. I will take from you that heart of unforgiveness. I will take away from you that heart of bitterness. I will take away from you that heart of fear and of anxiety. I will take away from you that heart of hate and revenge. I will take away from you that heart of self-pity of suicidal tendency.  And I will give you a new heart. I will give you a heart of flesh. I will give you a heart of tenderness. I will give you a heart of compassion. I will give you a heart that will reach out every person. I will give you a forgiving heart. And I will put into you my spirit. A new spirit, my spirit.”  And as the choir leads us into the hymn let us ask the Lord again and again in our hearts to give us a new heart, a new life, a new start. 

(the end)

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